As i'm sitting in my room on my off day (in between how i met your mother episodes) i'm texting Aimee talking about training/competition and the emotional part of it. You know like what makes us strong mentally. I've learned i have a few weaknesses that arent even related to weightlifting and some how effect practices and how i recover. It's so frustrated to me.. like for real though my ghosts that haunt my dreams and my emotional baggage adds weight to the lifts sometimes. All the crap that comes out when i'm tired or PMSing becomes a full on blair witch project in my brain. Aimee as my unpaid psycologist tells me i need to accept the fears as balloons and let go of the string. Easier said than done right? I go in the gym and when i'm warming up i'm all like yeah, screw you past look at me now! then 4 minutes later with 35kgs i'm a crumbling mess like wait what's a snatch? I didnt even see how much it was messing with me until the fits and the tears took up more time than the PR's and the running man after them. Thats a no go bro bro. i realized i needed to let go of these damn lead balloons. I asked two women in my life i look up to a lot (Aimee, and Carissa Gump) and they both said to focus on me on the things i can control. Member in the mocking jay (the third hunger games) how they were all like let go of the past and live for the future you cant change it and thinking about it 24/7 would literally drive you mad? well, not like i lost my whole city and my family to a war or anything but it does get hard to get past the things your dwell on and obsess over and over replaying in your head things you could've done or would've. So all of you as my witnesses i'm letting go of the balloons and it may take awhile for them to float away but i'm standing my ground and watching them go. I'm ready to make new memories that arent painful. Everyone has a story. I want everyone to see that fear doesn't have to run your life. Lets all have the courage to stand tall, overcome and be strong. Life blows you around like wind but it's ok to let go and see where it takes you.
anywho i'm listening to skyscraper by demi lovato now thinking about my heavy day tomorrow ready to never look back and to not let anyone or anything get in my way of my dreams