The rankings came out and I'm happy,relieved, crushed and disappointed all at once. I know I'm lucky I have an amazing coach and an amazing team. I know I'm talented and I know I have potential.
So, what's my problem? Why is there a block that stands in front of me and the next level? What is it that as soon as I can reach happiness I figure out a way to slap it away? What is it that makes me not accept success. I deserve good things to happen to me don't I? I work hard. I do my best to treat people well. I want this dream so desperately it's hard to breathe. So, what's wrong with me?
Every day isn't going to be a day I can PR, but i shouldn't ever miss weights I miss sometimes. I can never win. I think too much. I don't think about the right things. I'm not tough enough. I'm not confident enough. I give everything. I don't give enough. I do everything. I dont do enough. I'm trying but not hard enough. I need to be alone. I need the support. My goals are too high, be realistic. shoot for the moon. What am I missing? I try to relax in the gym and have fun but then I'm not focused enough or taking things seriously. I over-do it to under-do it.
It's a vicious circle. Weightliftings hard. Somebody wake me up.
Fearlessly terrified,
J
Fearlessly terrified,
J
3 comments:
There are no magic quotes that you can say to yourself that will make everything click into place, and life is suddenly perfect and all your dreams come true and you live happily ever after! Life has peaks and valleys! Those valleys are like hell! When you are going through them keep going until you get out! Motivation is a tricky thing. What works for one person might not work for you, and what works today might not work tomorrow. Just do you Jess!
All guys doing here very nice and i like it very much and i appreciate with this post
Hi Jessica, I've watched your vids from CatalystAthletics at youtube. I can see the dedication in your eyes. I wish you success! Weightlifting is life put in the gym, ups and downs, struggles and joys - but the one who train a lot and have the heart and dedication, will excel. I hope to see you in Brazil in 2016. Best wishes from Norway!
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